“No hesitations” *clap, clap, clap* “No repeats” *clap, clap, clap* “I’ll go first” *clap, clap, clap*
“No you won’t” *clap, clap, clap*
“Try me” *clap, clap, clap*
(Refer to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-4VIWTXBqg)
Fresh off the college boat, so to speak, I am reunited with my kin.
My mother and I frequently come into contact and even more frequently have impossibly insufferable arguments.
We are confidantes but by no means do I tell everything to her and vice versa.
Our bond is true to the mother-daughter, relationship; true to its very core as far as the universal relationship is concerned.
“A mother without a daughter is like a boat without oars.”
The Tiger Ladies - A Memoir of Kashmir, by Sudha Koul
This quotation reads such that women who have either one or more sons(s), but not a daughter, are at a stalemate.
She who is a mother, without a daughter, is afloat, but she is not moving forward.
I am wary about mass generalizations. Still, with regard to my own life, I can see how this quotation may be true.
Of course parents and children have a bond founded on unconditional love. However, biology is non-discerning. That is to say, females will always compare themselves with each other and competition will always be present.
It is true that I am the only girl on my father’s side. I did enjoy playing sports but I was not a tomboy by any means. If anything, as the only girl, I was inclined to showcase my feminine birthright: the right to have a pink room, the right to wear lace and tie ribbons in my hair, the right to wear jewelry and the right to have everyone else but me shovel the snow or take out the garbage.
However, I think a large part of my obsession with fashion and making sure to groom myself as a woman, with ironed pants and softly tousled hair, before venturing out into the world, is due to watching my mom getting ready.
As a child who did not yet understand how to style her hair, I remember watching my mom effortlessly put in her earrings and place a single bobby-pin in her hair, thinking to myself all the while, why don’t I look like that?
Eventually I grew up and realized the power of the flat iron and the creative genius that comes with shopping.
My mom and I feed off of each other.
We’re both females, both women, and both of us want to look good.
We share clothes.
We go shopping together.
We push each other to eat healthier and work out.
We fight over whether it’s tacky or just inevitable that bra straps show with sleeveless attire.
In conclusion, I understand where that quotation, extracted from Kashmiri folklore, is coming from and concurrently, this is me avoiding the problematic hanging quotation scenario, or quoting without explanation and/or follow-up.
Relationships are oddly discombobulated products of our own doing.
Arguments largely characterize the ups-and-downs, contours, and the overall dimension of relationships.
Prior to the onset of an argument the waters are teased with disagreements.
Human behavior is provoked and peripherals become ever more acute so that the subtle head-shaking that reflects one’s disdain for another is noticed by this person who, sensing partisanship, sharpens or makes more acute, his/her senses.
Conflict has officially surfaced and the waves’ crests have piqued in height.
There are full-fledged attacks and rebuttals that range from cunning oratory to conniving blackmail.
Doors are slammed, second-floor tenants think they’re witnessing the first-ever earthquake in New York City in the last ten years due to dramatic stomping of the feet, and “silent-treatments” continue for days.
While at college I found easy ways to divert an argument.
Why did I choose to divert the argument while at college?
I chose to divert these arguments because the people on the other end of the line, not part of my college world, are the only people who, I know, truly care for me.
These easy methods included hanging up the phone, (though this ran the risk of hostility in the next couple of phone calls following it), and taking the phone away from my ear far enough to not hear coherent language, but close enough to know when the other person was and was not talking.
I have learned that it is easier to avoid argument with people who you care for and who care for you by saying, “yes”, “ok”, or “you’re right.” I know this now but I guess implementation has yet to be improved upon.
It is easier to do the above because there is no point in wasting time trying to prove your point to someone who will think they are right regardless. Just know that you are right, do whatever you want to do so long as it is not wrong, unjust, or immoral, and stop trying to change someone who does not want to change.
After all, biology is non-discerning -