In the above picture, I was sitting outside of my house the Friday after Thanksgiving, imagining that I was elsewhere and alone. My webcam was on and captured my expression, overwhelmingly pensive, slightly stressed, and approximately eighty minutes before a phone interview.
I was cold too. The air was frigid. With the cement underneath me and the canopy blocking out any sun’s rays that may have peeped through the already cloudy sky over head, my body was shuddering in my self-inflicted challenge to escape.
Wearing pink pajama pants that grazed the cemented porch, gray knee-high socks, a University of Michigan sweatshirt that was given for free at my brother’s college orientation 8 years ago, and draped in a large and soft shawl, with a tortoise-colored hair clip, holding my side-swept bangs away from my face, I was sitting outside.
I was sitting outside and I was escaping to a place where I was comfortable, more-so than uncomfortable. However, this place still provided a level of discomfort; enough for me to be an explorer traversing a new and unexposed landscape.
I was in a place where people were just as ambitious as myself, to the extent of them perhaps having been called a ‘dreamer’, once upon a time.
The place lacked obligatory socializing, so that I conversed with people who cared to make gutsy and politically incorrect commentary, just as much as they cared about watching the newest episode of Top Chef.
These people do not sensationalize their humble beginnings or alternatively flaunt their hand-outs, and these people absolutely do not wish to remain in the aforementioned niches which they apparently seem to love having occupied, as it were.
I don’t want to be around people who have no desire to move up, on whatever ladder that may be.
I hereby admit that I want to forever walk around in constant surrender to all things beautiful.
It is times like this one in the photo, when I miss the ivy-covered campus. Then again, college was what it was. Just like that, for the past four years, myself in reality or my 3-dimensional self, was identical to the 2-D, square photo in the upper left hand side of my university student ID. I was safe in the status that was bequeathed to me by my University Card.
A couple of days ago, the same day captured in this photo, I was sitting outside.
I was starting to work on a study abroad application. Who knows what the outcome will be? After months of pondering over whether or not I should even attempt to try, I knew that to not do so would be worst than being met with rejection. You know, the classic case of would have, should have, could have.
Taking in the periphery will not be a priority.
I don’t want to keep chipping away at the apple pie just to consume the crusty shell.
I don’t want to feel guilty at spooning away the cholesterol-saturated sweet potato filling covering the well-baked hidden treasure of a crust underneath.
I don’t want to have to buy an entire muffin knowing fully well that I will turn the muffin upside down on my plate and proceed to cut off the body of the muffin in one fell swoop. I don’t want to dirty a spoon just after I have dirtied a knife, to scrape away the vestiges of the cake-like texture of the muffin that is covering my coveted crusty and delicious muffin-top.
Modifying these baked goods is a daunting task.
Imagine if there were pies filled only with pie crust.
Imagine if muffins only consisted of the tops.
Imagine if we are able to live our life the way we wanted to because why not?
Why not do everything in your power to get to where you want to be?
Forget acknowledgement and just perhaps, shoot for proving someone wrong - it’s a most lovely feeling.
Remember? I surrender to all things beautiful.
Let’s disconnect. Does that sound severe? Oh well, so be it. Let’s disconnect from the extraneous.
Exploring the new does not mean peripheries have to be taken into account for a more expansive landscape of novelty.
Ignoring the periphery can make exploring novelty a lot less daunting.
Ignoring the periphery under the muffin top and fillings in pies makes for better taste, makes for a better experience, and is a lot less daunting.