LXXXVIII. I'm a Claw Crane Arcade Game -

Ever feel down? Sure you have! If you’re human that is.

That’s OK though.

It is OK to feel stressed once a while or feel like you have to complain about everything because why not? If it annoys someone else, well, tough luck because it is either your time to vent or your time to have insufferable thoughts that do not get voiced, thereby causing you to develop a massive headache.

I think I have become incredibly less negative than I was before. For lack of a, purposefully, more concise articulation, I tended to expect the worst out of a situation. It was not at all that I didn’t want to set expectations high. I am the absolute antithesis of wanting to limit myself.

However, my venting has come across to some, as unwarranted negativity.

Why? I truly do not know. I am not a “Debbie Downer” or a “Nagging Nancy” by any means.

I feel that it is absolutely ridiculous to expect a giddy, giggling, and always rosy-cheeked young female after a day of ghastly traveling and bittersweet work which is interesting and reassuring, but nevertheless exhausting.

When I come out of that train station and step into the brisk air that is not tainted by the stuffiness of the subway, I am officially out of the work-zone. Therefore, I will be happy to not have to sport a fake grin.

You see, in the process of giving off a grim facade, I feel alleviated, relieved, and the facade will disappear just as soon as it appeared.

However, when the organic process, stated above, is disrupted, my grim facade resonates and permeates my body, eventually developing into a thought process.

In the event that a morning/day/evening, perhaps, is feeling grim, whether or not this temperament is the result of a system disrupted or not, I will attempt to remedy myself because remaining in an unhappy temperament for an extended period of time, is unhealthy.

What qualifies as an extended period of time, depends upon the context. If one is upset about a petty argument over a trivial matter for over half of a day, or even a couple of hours, then that duration of time can be considered an extended period.

Yesterday morning was not so pleasant. As I sat in the train, I closed my eyes, as per the usual, in order to block out my surroundings. I managed to get a corner seat in the first seat of the train car and so closing my eyes was not out of the realm of possibility since I did not have to be particularly vigilant of the bags that I was already clutching in my lap.

I utilize strategies that I have fairly recently developed, during my upperclassmen years as an undergrad, in order to attain a positive state of mind or zen.

See? I am not negative in any regard.

I am just sitting on a fulcrum that reacts to the slightest of belligerent air currents.

So I closed my eyes and told myself not to feel down.

As an individual, get to where you want to be, strive for the elite, and pick yourself out of this depth of sadness/anger/anxiety.

Suddenly I began to imagine myself to be one of those stuffed animals in those vending machine-type arcade games that are seen at bowling alleys and other places which seem to remain stuck in the early 90s.

I then saw my arm, the right arm specifically, go vertically above my head.

The wrist dropped, no longer in line with the vertically erect arm so that my right hand hung above me.

The fingers of the right hand were loosely hanging.

Yes, my right hand, hanging above my head, became the claw that would pick me, the proxy-stuffed animal, though still alive and well, up. I was picked up by myself.

My morning then became positive.

I’m a claw crane arcade game and so is everyone else who strives to lead a healthy and happy existence.