V. Dissatisfaction: Boon vs. Burden - A Thought Experiment.

I have never been satisfied with anything.

I always thought this was, and still do think, that this is a good quality to have.

To be dissatisfied always means that you never want to settle. You always want to move incrementally from goal to goal - a perfection of sorts.

Most people see this as detrimental, including my parents, but I don’t.

Forever feeling dissatisfied however has started to feel burdensome. I realize that my longing for home when I’m on campus is actually a longing for the past, so that as I sit in my house I feel an urge to go out and seek intellectual growth - to explore, to contribute, to learn, to apply and be admitted- to keep moving up.

Is dissatisfaction a boon or a burden?

I have written this in an attempt to find an answer and to provide a context:

I got into a humanities-specialized high school with about 200 students/grade, but was not satisfied because I wanted to escape the writer in me and go to a science-based high school. I wanted to be in a big school with 500-600 students/grade.

By junior year I learned that the academics here were amazing and when I was about to leave in senior year I decided I wanted to stay and continue to walk in the hallways where my intellect flourished like never before. Walking amongst a close-knit student body, I had never been more convinced of the potency of a well-constructed work ethic and my duty to contribute to society.

I was not satisfied during my time there and was not satisfied with leaving.

Is dissatisfaction a boon or a burden?

I decided that it was a boon.

When I got into UPenn, my father remarked, “I hope you’re going to be happy with where you are now.”

                                 “Yes dad- it’s the Ivy League! How can I not be happy?”

I was satisfied…

until the very first day of New Student Orientation at Penn.

These past three years have been the worst and darkest years I have ever had and hopefully, will ever have.

To put it in a largely abridged manner: Some academic experiences have been amazing; Those that haven’t been, however, have occurred in a much greater proportion.

Dance has truly been the only light illuminating myself during the very dark times I have had at Penn. (I love you PennMasti. Really, I do.)

Once a shadow, I became a silhouette and everyday since, the silhouette slowly has become a well-contrasted and determinedly dissatisfied student.I was ready to fight and put a up a large resistance front to Upenn’s coercing into conforming.

From black-and-white to Eastman color, I emerged with a new major, a new minor, and a new and contemporary life plan.

Do you see how dissatisfaction was a boon? I certainly do.

As senior year now approaches, I am looking forward to walking down Locust Walk, eyes focused, brow furrowed - stressed but ever-knowing.

Of course I am still not satisfied. Would you be? Are you now?

Is dissatisfaction a boon or a burden? Is it both? If so, what is the ratio?

Until proven otherwise, I am and will forever be dissatisfied -