XIV. Paging Dr. Pet - Peeves -

Urban dictionary defines pet-peeves as “things that people do that make you want to punch your eyes out.” I’m pretty sure that we can all attest to the accuracy of this definition written by the layman who had an unhealthy desire to be published.

(The exception to the people who agreed with this definition are probably those same hippies who cringe when you use the word “hate” nonchalantly in any conversation because they think it is too severe a word. These are the same people whose parents needed to use self-help books on the subject of parenting.)

I am one of those people who utilizes the verb “to hate” frequently in my daily course of speaking and even thinking. Consequently, one of my pet-peeves. [Pet-Peeve 1:]-  is when the other person(s) partaking in the conversation decides to  intervene in their untimely fashion and state that they never use the word “hate.”

Most people mistake this habit of mine for pessimism or possessing some sort of negative energy.

They would be false -

I am sure there are others like me out there, who do not relate to the stick figure who falls into a 2-D hole before taking a happy pill in an Astra Zeneca commercial, and who also have friends/acquaintances who expect them to complain and/or vent.

It seems as though our lives revolve around the actions of others - our pet-peeves. That may technically be true. However, us non-self proclaimed “haters”, actually have selfish underlying reasons for our non-hippy/realist way of life.

For we have been endowed with the legacy of Darwin. We are the survival of the fittest.


We choose to surround ourselves by non-bothersome things and/or people so that we have created our own perfect world. Yes, those who you call negative are actually perfectionists of sorts.

Pet-Peeve Two: We do not care for the the victims of suck-up seizures.

Those affected by this condition will experience the violent wagging of their tongue - spluttering out desperate cries for participation points. Their eyes will roll in the back of their sockets as they nod their head viciously - up down, up down, up down - hands trembling in the need to write down nondescript notes in the heat of it all, and all the while being fully aware that they will either rip out said notes or simply ignore them when studying for an exam that they will, annoyingly, non-deservingly (that’s right, I said it), ace, even after going out to the Facebook publicized frat - themed party.

Cheers to you homie - artificiality won’t be a boon forever and if you still don’t care about the all-too-common lecture about the consequences of your actions, just know that there is a population of perfectionists who hate you.

Pet-Peeve Three: Staring.

Pet-Peeve Four: Walking dow the sidewalk by yourself, without a blue tooth on, and giggling and/or smiling to the extent of showing teeth.

It’s just a matter of discpline… that and when you’re laughing/smiling to yourself, there seems to be an evil ulterior motive.

Pet-Peeve Five: Kissing on both cheeks in the main library on campus- and no they’re not Muslim so culture is not an explanation- who are you people? (Probably international students.)

Yes, that last pet-peeve just occured right before my very eyes and no, I was not staring; They were in my peripheral vision.

In the selfish interest of not getting so annoyed as to not get any work done, (like a true “hater”), I will refrain from listing more pet-peeves. 

Pet-Peeve Six: There goes another awkward acquaintance - mutual 2-second staring.

And so the semester begins…