XLI. The Inspiration Wall -

We all know what “The College Wall” looks like. It is a designated space in a room that is covered with school paraphernalia, print-outs of Google images that came up from the search “Insert University Name here Logo”, and mail that was either sent to you because the school finds you incredibly appealing (or so you think), and mail that you requested yourself.

Usually, this conglomerate of paper is not actually superimposed onto a wall. No, the “wall” usually is a bulletin board that is hanging on a wall, or in my case : a now perforated closet door.

We want to go to a particular university. In Post XXIV. I mentioned how I had obsessed over a school.

I had an epiphany yesterday.

I was quite literally wallowing in grief. I felt myself whirling around endlessly; Imagine looking into a toilet that won’t stop flushing.

Every so often a whimper bubbles up. Why am I taking this oddball path to medical school?

Negative energy forces my facial muscles to support a grimace and occupies my mind.

I went from being lost while walking to the library, to being lost on stage, and being lost while walking back the linear path to my dorm room.

I realize -

that those people who are being showered with congratulations for their linear path are incredibly interesting at the moment, until they once again disappear from sight only to emerge four years later with an expected acceptance elsewhere. Why? Because they are who they are. Despite being expected, their acceptance is still surprising because well, they who they are.

However, forever interesting are those who travel in a wayward fashion on a linear track - those who are able to transform a line traced in pavement, even while people are walking.

The linear, (aforementioned), forever-congratulated, spectator, observes the recreating of the linear path and it seems to them like the mobile staircases in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

They are skeptical of this magical prowess, and ask how?

Ironically, much the way those who recreate linear paths when observing those  who travel the linear paths ask - how is it that…?

Then there are the other spectators who observe the recreation of the linear path much the way those in the audience of talent shows watch the scary man bend a metal pole with his bare hands.

They regard you, forever-interesting, non-linear person that you are, with interest.

I guess this is what I meant when I told my mom that it’s a competitive world and I wanted to stir fear lest I am out of the running. No, I do not want to invoke bad karma.

What I do want to do is provoke the spectators much like the scary man who can bend the metal pole does; I want to make an otherwise linear path bend according to the footsteps I take.

I want to color outside the lines in such a way so that the lines become the internal content of a larger, more encompassing shape that provides new external lines, created by myself.

I realize now that the college wall is linear.

The college wall is what I want and nothing more.

The college wall is the equivalent of the high school student tour groups. How are you so sure that you will gain admittance here? How can you deign to visit the most selective institutions of study in the world without thinking to apply first, see if you gain admittance, and then pick and choose?

Perhaps they are part of the linear bunch - it is expected that they will get what they want.

Ambition and desires remain, but you have to break a part the linearity - be the resistor to the “Paint” program in Windows that always favors straight edges.

What is more applicable then, is the “Inspiration Wall”.

What do you have to do to get where you want to be? - what motivates you…

…and enables you to remain true to yourself;

Living life with a personality, laughing when something is funny, reducing the chance of permanent lines etched across your still unmarried, unengaged, unsuited upon face, and forces you to stay POSITIVE.

The Inspiration Wall accomplishes this.

That which inspires you is coming to a wall near you. -