XVIII. What about me? -

I think my idea of what “perfection” is, is skewed.

When our expectations, assuming they are all positive, are not fulfilled, it is normal to feel saddened and disappointed at the world.

But what about those expectations that are not in the short term or the long term? What about those expectations that are set by you for your own life but without a time frame?

I’m not talking about the expectation of losing two pounds by next weekend.

I’m referring to those vague expectations - dreamlike contexts that you superimpose onto your own life, similar to that song that you consider to be the perfect soundtrack to your life.

Those expectations materializing into real life would be absolutely perfect. You don’t have a time frame because there is still quite some time for these expectations to come true. That is to say, perfection, (as in these expectations), can still come true.

What happens when you see others living out your expectations for yourself? Their lives must be perfect, no?

No. No their life is not perfect because they don’t live in New York City like I do.

They don’t live in your cozy home.

They don’t have your family.

They don’t have a settled life with a locale.

They’re a local of nowhere.

There life is not perfect because they didn’t find the amazing sale that you did last weekend.

There life is not perfect because they will never get to sit in this class and hear this amazing discussion.

They will never experience the euphoria I felt dancing spontaneously in public aka not by myself, for one of the first times ever, solely because I wanted to prove a point - I am a dancer, I am trained, and I am not one to be overlooked because what I do cannot be showcased.

They’ll never feel the spiritual closeness I felt on midnight on the first day of 2011, sitting in Gurudwara (Sikh temple), rose petals falling over and past my head, toward all that is divine.

But for some reason, things are not perfect.

Why?

I find myself answering with the following:

because what I wanted has not happened as of yet –I observe and there! That is what I wanted but he/she has it and I don’t.

Or

because this or that is not happening. When will it happen?I see it happening to them and they’re younger than me! I thought I had time… maybe not.

Is this an expectation, a desire, both, are they synonymous?

What do you consider to be perfect?

Do you act proactively to make sure that there are optimal chances for your expectations to be fulfilled?

Is part of what makes something perfect the fact that the expectations that you have can only be fulfilled effortlessly and without any intervention on your part?

You know what I’m referring to.

I’m not talking about that expectation of enjoying your graduation day the upcoming Spring of your senior year. That is almost a given. It is inevitable- your graduation day.

I’m talking about that which may not be inevitable. We don’t know if it will or will not happen.

I’m referring to that expectation of falling in love with the perfect person.

Holler at your homefry -