XXXIV. When The Air is Heavy -

and you cannot deny what is obviously a palpable weight.

No- I’m not referring to the “knowledge” that I write about in post XVIII.

I’m referring to knowledge that is not in terms of intellect or academia.

I suppose I’m referring to a more raw form of knowing.

A form of knowing that is just short of being considered common sense and also a form of knowing that is, as I said before but for the sake of consistency and making a more parallel argument,  a form of knowing that also falls - beyond that which is gained by paying those teachers that I love to hate so much.

That form of knowing - Like when you walk by a person you do not know, perhaps make eye contact with, and feel as though you can somehow connect with that person.

It is the form of knowing that can be verbalized in conversational speech as “you know” or more aptly “yaknow”.

It is that form of knowing; when you act a certain way with someone despite not knowing them well enough to act in any particular way. You act in this manner not because this person reminds of you someone. Instead, you act in this manner  because this person fits your own set of requirements for who this person could be and how said person could relate to you.

As if a future relationship with this person would in fact materialize.

I suppose this kind of knowing can also be defined as intuition, on-the-surface negative connotations aside.

I am thinking about intuition as those times when you start to have mock conversations in your head with that same person with whom you had felt a connection but never actually communicated with, outside physical behavior and subtle non-telling eye contracting and expanding . You’re imagining their facial expressions, anticipating what they’re going to say and when they’re going to say it.

You suddenly snap out of it - after the non-existent conversation, your own self-monologue- has reached the end-point that you had purposefully planned for to be reached.

I know I had said to deplete any connotations related to the word ‘intuition’, but doesn’t intuition - the form of knowing that has been discussed thus far, translate into 'human intuition’?
If this is the case, doesn’t this mean that the person with whom you had a connection also feel that him/her feels a connection with you?

The connection aspect in my case, is neither positive nor negative. If the other person were to also feel a connection, I am unsure if they see this connection as positive or negative.

It’s better to expect the worst case - the person thinks you’re a freak.

I don’t take kindly to such sentiments - overanalysis hits in.

If we are all responsive to our collective human nature - why can’t we just communicate with each other?

Leave it - see what happens - if you see this person again, it’s a sign, it’s meant to be.

You see a person again - on the F train - on lexington avenue - on campus -

I guess the mystery lives on - or the routine lifestyle that enables us to see said person over and over again just means that the person is not worth knowing. Only those people that you see and meet once ad immediately communicate with, are those people worth knowing.

What happens to the connection that was felt then?

Right - Mystery. Isn’t a mystery fundamentally that which is unknown until one proactively seeks out the facts.

Therefore, a mystery = ignorance - right? Isn’t the value of human life to be able to leave knowing as much as you can about the world?

Regardless - I think I feel better not having some random person talk to me solely to define the connection or validate our intuition.

I think -