XXXV. Please Leave Your Name and Number -

I am so frustrated that I want to scream into the phone so that people who are on the receiving side, will observe the phone on their side tremble as I continue to succeed in producing my very own sore throat.

It is sometime between 9 AM and 5 PM on some day that is not Saturday or Sunday.

No one is picking up the phone and I’m pretty sure Mr. Peter Bob John won’t understand my name even if I did spell it out on his answering machine.

Maybe Mr. PBJ (Peter Bob John) is eating lunch- some  PBJ (peanut butter & jelly). I keep calling - way past lunch time and, what I can only imagine to be a surly, multiple-degree holding university officer that Mr PBJ, is still is not picking up. OK, maybe the PBJ he ate made him have to use the bathroom. No - still not picking up…

What was that just now - a pop-up?

But I was just trying to watch The Kardashians online!

A virus. My laptop has a virus. What happened to my antivirus software? It’s been “disabled” this whole time…. googling antivrus website. And there- in the lower right hand corner in size 8 font - “Contact Us.”

Scrolling… just an e-mail text-box.

Leave an e-mail! There is no phone number? How is that possible…

Just left Best Buy with one hundred less dollars and one less virus.


AMTRAK: Time to change my tickets. Yes, they have a phone number. Menu options: I can deal with that. There’s no “0” option for operator or to speak to someone. Great, I have to listen to he menu again. Ok. Say my ticket code- but how does the computer know what I’m saying? That’s not for me to know.

“G - 6  - B -  R -  0  -  0   - C  - F”    That wasn’t too bad…

“Thank you. So that’s "P  - 6  - D - 0 - 0 - C - F”. Right?“


"I’m sorry. Let’s try again. Please tell me you’re eight-ticket code.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t get that. Let’s try again.”


Application time: I hope this goes through ok. I cannot be this cynical and technology isn’t so fallible. Application submitted. Great, I even have a receipt!

Decisions will be e-mailed.

E-mailed? Don’t they mean that I will get a code that I would then input into the university’s system?

“You may download your decision that is attached in this e-mail.”

Here’s to staying positive in a binary world -